I had a difficult labour with my first baby boy, being induced with both gel (which did nothing) and then the oxytocin drip. After a ten hour labour and an epidural at 7cm which only worked briefly on one side, followed by two hours of pushing with no luck, my baby was found to be deflexed (his head was right back and therefore in the wrong position). He was born via ventouse, which meant an episiotomy, and the ventouse had left a good tear in my cervix also. He was however very happy and healthy which of course was the main thing!
We were overjoyed when we found out we were expecting again almost two years later, and as happy as I was, I was absolutely terrified of going through the same thing again, as I still wasn’t 100% back to normal.
I decided I would do everything I could to have a natural labour and delivery. I did a pregnancy acupuncture course, which aims to prepare the body for birth and produce surges which are not as intense. I also did Hypnobirthing with Claire. I worked a lot at home, listening to the cd’s most evenings and worked especially hard on fear releasing.
My due date came and went, and I kept positive and rested and watched the Birth as we Know it movie every day. At 8 days overdue, I became discouraged as my midwife (who wasn’t 100% believer in what I was doing) booked me for an induction at 10 days over as they thought my baby was going to be a whopper. Interestingly, it was her weekend off and I would have her partner (who was a huge hypno advocate) deliver my baby should he come.
I was sitting on the couch eating dinner when I had a very decent surge which stopped me eating. I then realised I had had a few! Not wanting to get too excited, I went and had a shower. The surges continued (not painful just downward surging pressure) and I realised they were probably about 6 minutes apart. I text the midwife, just saying I thought I might be niggling, when my water broke. I was laughing my head off at this stage, still not believing that my body actually knew what to do! After calling mum to come watch the eldest, I went to the bedroom, put on my cd and spent the next two hours in bed and walking around the room, really trying to let go and just let my body and baby do their thing. Chris had been timing the surges without me realising and given that they were 3 minutes apart, thought we should get to hospital.
I should add here that by my due date, I had actually accepted that I still held fear around tearing to bits upon delivery, but I had acknowledged it and knew that was my only barrier.
When we got to hospital, the midwife asked me if I would like to be checked to see how far along I was. It was funny, in my heart I knew exactly where I was at and knew I was fine, but my fear made me curious! She checked me and I laughed out loud to hear I was 8cm dialated (which I already knew).
The surges kicked up a gear then and I gave 100% focus to swivelling my hips and really really channelling that energy. And then…. I lost it! My fear came to the surface and, what was coming out of my mouth was “I can’t do this, give me an epidural, this is too hard etc etc). It was literally like purging that fear during labour. What was in my heart and head was – ‘I know exactly what I’m doing, baby is almost here and I can absolutely do this”.
Then, something changed in my body and I knew, without reason, it was time to breathe baby out. I did do more pushing than I thought I would but again, it was so natural to be birthing that way, pushing and breathing all fear and insecurity out. After only ten or so minutes, I felt baby move down and crown… and out he came, just like that! He was 8pound 6oz (big but not a whopper!) and perfect. I swear I have never been so proud of myself in my whole life, he was born an hour after I arrived at hospital and when my midwife checked me out – I did not need one single stitch and there was no tearing. The other interesting thing was that, I had had pulling in the episiotomy scar for two and a half years, right up til the birth and now it is 100% gone.
This birth was such a healing experience for me, physically and mentally. My baby boy breast fed perfectly, was so alert and I had no problems with it at all. I was home the next day and recovered so easily.
I am so so glad that I followed my heart and learnt what, I believe, our souls have just forgotten. We are now thinking about baby #3 and if we are lucky enough to be blessed with another baby I will aim to deliver in the pool, and deliver the baby myself.
There you go, I’m sorry it’s so long!! Birthing him was honestly so healing on so many levels. We have such a special bond as a result of his birth.
I hope you are well – what an amazing business you have!! You are such a talented lady and I completely admire how you have followed what you know you are so good at doing and turned it into your work. It’s so inspirational:-)